Denise Hildreth

Movies That Made Me… Survey

Movies that made me cry like a little kid.

My Girl…did not see that coming.

Movies that made me laugh out loud.

Anything Madea…(except Madea Goes to Jail- didn’t like that one.)

Movies that made me jump in fright.

Sleeping with the enemy…have seen that so many times and still jump when he grabs her leg. And the scene with the cans…oh my…that gets me every time.

Movies that left me scared long after the film is over.

Ransom…that movie freaked me out

Movies that made me change my point of view on something.

High School Musical- Made me think it might actually be fun to go back to High School if I could hang out with those people and sing and dance all the time.

Movies that opened my eyes to a subject I knew nothing about.

Grease…I knew nothing about most of the subjects in that movie when I saw it and took me years to realize how trashy it actually was. I still can’t believe my parents let me see that!

Movies that pumped me so full of adrenaline I wanted to drive at 500 mph or punch a stranger in the head.

Every James Bond movie I’ve ever seen…

Movies that made me angry because they were terrible and my money was wasted.

The Breakup with Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn. Left that one about 30 minutes in.

Movies that made me wish I were in them.

I so wanted to be in The Sound of Music, even to this day I have no reason why, the father was a drill seargant, their clothes were made from drapes, and they were hunted by the Nazi’s – what is that!

I also so wanted to be Sandy in Grease, until of course years later I realized how trashy it was- even though I still know all the songs.

And to this day I want to be in a Madea movie. Just so I can hang around Tyler Perry.

My South Carolina Gamecocks are doing awesome this year! And if it hadn’t been for that ridiculous Georgia game, where we should have won, did win if you want my thoughts on it, but our touchdown was stolen from us, we would be getting the recognition we deserve. I was talking to a Georgia fan this morning who made a smart elick comment about the Carolina/Vandy game not being on television this week and how we hadn’t really played any difficult teams yet. The conversation didn’t last long…just saying.

For true blue Carolina fans we have ridden the wave when it was good- Joe Morris- all black outfits- the theme song from 2001 A Space Odyssey, and the win over Georgia in 2000 I do believe was the victory that ended our 18 game winning streak…just saying again. We have ridden the waves of Sparky Woods, had a guy named Brad, can’t even remember his last name, the time was so short. Maybe it was Scott come to think of it. Then we had the infamous Lou Holtz, who held sports clinics for women…loved that! And now we have Mr. Steve Spurrier, who my dad just happened to run into the other day at his favorite men’s store in Columbia. Even though we haven’t had an amazing season in a really long time, we’ve got amazing fortitude, sticktoitiveness, and just plain grit.

The last few years have held more challenges than victories, but each year we don our garnet and black and put the past behind us and forge ahead to a new season. Love that about my Gamecocks. And am often grateful for that with life. How each new year brings about the ability to put the past behind us, move into a new vision for our future, and see what the new year has to offer.

We’re not far from a new year you know. Just a couple more months and we’ll be dusting off the sparklers, getting out the fireworks, and donning ridiculous hats to celebrate a new year. And some of us need it because this year has stunk. Some of us need it because this year has held some really bad decisions. Some of us need it because this year has held some pain, some bad choices, some heartache, that we’d otherwise rather forget. That to me is the beauty of a new year or a new football season. It holds new hope.

I remember day 365 of my first year of being divorced. I remember waking up that morning and beginning my usual routine of walking and praying and that morning I declared that marking time was over. That there would be no more firsts. No more first birthdays without being married, first valentines, first non-existent anniversaries. Marking time was over and tomorrow was a new year. You know, I never marked time again. “letting go of those things which were behind me I press on towards the mark of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.”

Some of us have marked time long enough. We’ve got more slashes on our calendar than Jason from Friday the 13th has sequels! It’s time to move on. Let go. And head into a new year no longer marking our loses, but focusing on what is to come.

That’s the one thing I love about football. It doesn’t matter how bad the year before was, when that new season starts it is a clean slate. My Gamecock’s are kicking some booty, even though my Georgia friend claims we haven’t beat any real teams. Well, let me just say, Tennessee is on the plate for Saturday and I’m hearing a pitiful version of Rocky Top being consumed by some rowdy folks from South Carolina. My address may say Tennessee, but my heart bleeds garnet…Go Cocks! And Go You! It’s a brand new season. Let the last one go and move into what’s waiting for you. For us it’s some Volunteers! Never did like orange much anyway….just saying.

Have You Ever Eaten These Survey

Sorry, missed a few weeks. Book edits and Bible Study have had me swamped. But here you go…as if anyone truly missed this except my cousin Patty :

A peanut butter and mayo sandwich?

Gross!

A peanut butter, mayo, and dill pickle sandwich?

Grosser!

Cooked dandelions?

Who wrote this thing!

Raw cake batter?

Now you’re talking!

Uncooked spaghetti?

Always- crazy, but every time I cook it I have to eat at least two pieces.

Uncooked hamburger?

No, but at my cousins wedding who lived in Wisconsin they served it at her wedding reception. I was eight years old and officially scarred for life.

Venison?

Love it and my precious friend Bubba Powers can cook venison tenderloin like nothing you have ever eaten. Melts in your mouth. One of my favorite things ever. However, I am completely against killing all Bambi’s. So I tell myself this is not Bambi…this is not Bambi…

Raw oysters?

Once at The Citadel Beach House when my brother was a cadet and I was at The College of Charleston. They had an oyster shuck. It was the grossest thing ever.

Cooked eel?

No way!

Snake meat?

Didn’t know snakes had meat…

Chicken gizzards?

No, I leave those to my mama.

Chocolate covered grasshopper?

Chocolate should never be wasted on a grasshopper.

Fluffernutter?

If I can’t pronounce it I don’t eat it.

Frosting sandwich?

No, but I’ve licked many a bowl with my fingers.

Ketchup sandwich?

Only with potato chips on it!

Fried spam sandwich?

Oh, the childhood memories…right there with fried bologna.

A dog biscuit?

Okay- I love my girls but you’ve got to be kidding me.

The calls have been numerous this week. Marriages on the brink. Hearts broken. One spouse desperate, another not desperate enough. I was processing all of it, praying for them, and realized that true healing never occurs until brokenness finds us. My devotional on October 15th solidified it. I’ve read Streams in the Desert for the past ten years. And I’ve never seen this scripture this way before. Job 41:25 “By reason of breakings they purify themselves.”

Oh the dreaded brokenness…Oh the beautiful gift. Nothing is truly enjoyed, truly treasured until it has been broken. The fragrance in the Alabaster box was enjoyed or lavished on Jesus until the box had been broken. The beauty of Jesus wasn’t enjoyed by our souls, until he was willing to allow Himself to be utterly and completely broken for us.

But my how we run from it. Forgetting that until we allow the Lord to totally and completely break us, we will walk around with our stuff defining us. We are all broken if we want to be honest. Came into the world that way. The victory in living is claiming it and allowing God to heal us in it. And in that healing comes the purifying of our very souls.

A friend told me the other day, “I’m a broken person Denise.” I said, “I rather be in a relationship with people who are broken and know it, then people who are broken and either won’t admit it or can’t see it.”

When we claim our brokenness, God can use us. When we allow ourselves to be broken for Him, lavishly pouring out our very souls, claiming our stuff, our responsibility in our own sin, then He can finally do some thing with us.

My devotion went on to say, “God must have BROKEN THINGS.” How wonderful is that! He MUST have broken things. That includes all of us. But He can’t use those broken things until they are willing to admit their broken and allow Him to heal them in their broken place. And then, oh my friends then…He can use us in the most extraordinary of ways.

Isaiah wrote, “The lame take the prey.” I’m claiming that! We’ve been preyed on long enough. It is time our lameness, our brokenness, is turned around on the enemy of our souls, our marriages, our health, our dreams, our vision and we take the prey. I’m thinking that is a beautiful way to live….wholly broken.

I just started reading the Bible over this past week. So, I’m back in Genesis and two things stick out to me that I’ve never seen this way before. It’s  in God’s creating of woman. First, God puts Adam to sleep. And secondly, God brings her to Adam. Interesting isn’t it. God basically made sure Adam had nothing to do with it and when God was finished and woman was ready, God brought her to him.

I’m thinking if that is how God designed the original plan, couldn’t He be trusted with getting His person to us? A blog like this I would usually save for my single’s blog Flying Solo. But, October and November’s are already in the can and this is fresh in my spirit.

I haven’t talked about this much, but right after my divorce one of the prayers I prayed was, “God, if you have someone for me in the future to spend my life with, I just want one. I don’t need free dinners, I’ve got good friends. I don’t need anymore hurt or drama. And You know when my heart will be ready and healed. So, I’m trusting you with this one.”

Honestly, I believe I prayed that prayer originally because I simply didn’t want to be hurt. I never wanted to feel the kind of pain that my divorce had swallowed me with again. But as I walked that out, and watched God, so beautifully protect my heart, and put a hedge of protection around me I realized I had been given an amazing gift. I had been given a season to freely, and undistracted, serve God and the design He had for my life. Pouring myself into ministry, there has been no wasted energy on searching for someone to spend my life with. There has simply been this wonderfully treasured season with my Father, healing my heart and lavishing me with His love.

I remember the first time I went out with some girlfriends without my wedding ring. I felt naked. Exposed. Vulnerable. We had to pass the bar on the way up to our table for dinner and it felt as if every eye was on my empty finger. As we left the restaurant that night, I felt my Father lovingly whisper, “You don’t have to look. I will make sure you don’t miss what I have for you.”

Over the last two years I have talked to amazing women and men who have been in desperate searches for a spouse. And in that desperation they have missed so much of their own talents, and callings and God’s design for their life. They have been consumed with dead end relationships, while the beauty of what is in the soul of them that God desires to pour out onto and into others has been squandered and left deformed. Not reaching it’s fullest potential. And each time that a dead-end relationship ended up at, well, a dead-end. They have been left broken, hurting and wondering where God was in the middle of their pain. Their needless pain.

I’ve been very careful to not in any way try to place my personal decision as a standard for others. I have had no intentions of writing an “I kissed looking for a man goodbye book.” But I have felt the freedom to share with some here and there that they might want to pray the same prayer. To ask God to guard their heart and only let His person get through. I did however warn them, “Don’t pray it unless you mean it!”

However, what I read today let me know that it sounds like God has the same idea. He got man out of the way- and when He had his mate ready- He got her to him. Adam didn’t miss it. And God designed it. Not sure about you, but sounds like a fail-proof plan to me. Wonder what the divorce rate would be like if we would dare to trust God this way?…Just wondering…

He was burly and young. Like a teddy bear honestly. And he sat across from me last Wednesday night with the sweetest spirit and softest response. I had been invited to minister at a Bible Study in one of my friend’s homes to a group of young adults. Anywhere from 18-26. They were attentive and responsive. And when I talked about my own place of personal shame their faces registered their own.

We all know shame. Well, we all know it though some of us will never admit it. But oddly, it’s those who never admit it that never move past it. And I’ve discovered that shame and regret are two of the enemies greatest weapons. Why? Because they keep us from doing anything effective for God.

I shared with them about the Apostle Peter and how he denied Jesus three times. And in that final denial we’re told that Jesus actually caught his eye. Can you imagine that! Can you imagine if in our moments where we have failed Jesus or denied Jesus we would actually see Him eye to eye, face to face. The shame would only be compounded.

And yet in a sweet exchange in the Gospel of John Jesus finds Peter back out fishing. He is, I believe, gone back to the place where Jesus found him the first time. And in this moment, when Peter realized it is Jesus he and Jesus have an exchange that goes something like this.

“Peter, do you love me?”

Peter drops his head, digs his foot into the cool sand. “Lord, you know I love you.”

Jesus reaches over and raises his chin. “Feed my sheep.”

There is an awkward moment. But Jesus won’t let it go. “Peter, do you love me.”

This time Peter looks him in his eyes. “Lord, you know I love you.”

Jesus nods. “Feed my sheep.”

The extent of all that Jesus is asking not completely registering. Jesus asks again. “Peter, do you love me.”

This time Peter wants him to know clearly. He steps forward, places his hands o Jesus’ arms and looks him straight in his face. His voice sure and stead. “Lord, you know I love you.”

Jesus smiles. Peter has gotten it. “Feed my sheep.”

Three times Peter denied Jesus and I believe Jesus was giving him the opportunity to undo the shame that had been done. And after that encounter Peter becomes the “rock” he had been called to be. He preaches a revival where 3000 people are converted and the church as we know it was begun.

If he had not allowed Jesus to erase the shame, wash over the regret, and remind him of his purpose, what would have happened? Who would have gotten the honor of starting the church?

That young man sat across from me after I shared this story and said, “I’ve been trying to get away from my shame and regret all day. I’ve been trying to distract myself from even dealing with it, or admitting it. I so needed to hear that tonight. that He loves me. He really loves me.”

I can’t wait to see the “feed my sheep” moments this young man is going to have. I can’t wait to see the lives that are going to be changed because he is going to refuse to any longer live in a place of shame and regret. Because the only thing those two things accomplish are wasted dreams and thwarted destinies. Forgiveness is the whole reason Jesus died. And he paid way to high a price for you and I to not be willing to receive it.