Denise Hildreth

When this musing posts I will be in the air returning from nine days in Israel. I had been to Israel five years earlier, and this trip was completely different from the one before. When I came five years ago I dreamed of the day that I would get to go back. Never thought it would happen, but knew if the opportunity presented itself I would go. And I did. What I discovered however was that it wasn’t in the places this time that the impact of God was found. It was in the people.

From the plane ride over until the last moments with my bus driver at a bar at our hotel in Nazareth, where I was ordering a Coke, (can’t even count how many of those I consumed) while he smelled the coffee so he could stay awake to drive us on our next journey, it was all about the people.

For the last four days of our trip we were in Nazareth, Jesus’ home town. The place he was kicked out of two thousand years ago, and only a remnant of Him remains. Even now, all these years later, He is still about as popular. In an predominantly Arab area, Christians are many if you ask them, but much fewer if caused to carry the real call of Christ. But those who do carry it loud and strong and passionately. And we got to meet so many of them.

We met a believer who saw her father murder her sister after she attempted to marry a Muslim. We met a former professor of Aethism, who now teaches at Galilee Bible College. We met widows and the disabled, we met the mentally challenged and the desperately hungry. And what I came to a realization of is that with so few believers in this nation for their spirit to connect to, when a room of believers filled their small two or three room houses, the spirit inside of them was overwhelmed. Many when asked how we could pray for them were unable to wrap words around their overwhelmedness. But the common denominator was clear, Jesus was still in Nazareth in the hearts of those brave enough and bold enough to believe.

The highest point in Nazareth-believed to be where they were going to throw Jesus off.

I celebrate my faith everyday. I come across people who love Jesus like me at the grocery store, in my boot camp class, I pass them in the car on the road and eat dinner in their home. My heart continually has another place to land. But in Nazareth…well, in Nazareth a like minded heart isn’t met just hanging out for the afternoon. Instead it has to seek and search and dig. But they are there. And they are desperate for more. And a man with a vision will see something happen. They may have made sure Jesus left Nazareth two thousand years ago, but I guarantee you, there are people there today that are doing everything in their power to get Him back…and I had the privilege of meeting them, eating with them, praying with them and hugging them. I saw the garden tomb, the mount of olives, gesthmene, and Peter’s village in Capernum. But I saw Jesus in the hearts of His people…the people in His hometown.

Today- I’m up at 2:30 trying to adjust to the time zone in Israel. And on Saturday when I boarded the plane this is what I ended up writing in my journal and thought it was appropriate for today…would appreciate your prayers as I walk out this week.

You never cease to amaze me- first you seclude me from all distractions and I hear you loud and clear. And You speak so precious and so lovingly to me. It wasn’t until I got in the car to head to the airport that I thought, “What in the world am I doing.” I am leaving my family over the holidays. I’m leaving the people that I love for ten days. I’m going halfway across the world with a bunch of virtual strangers. What was I thinking?” The beauty is that You haven’t allowed me much time to think about my trip. Life has been so full that this hasn’t been in the forefront of my mind. And I think You knew that was best.

Because I’m sitting in the airport thinking, “I’ve got just a few minutes to still get out of here.” And yet I didn’t run. Wouldn’t have minded it. But didn’t do it. Found myself exceptionally emotional. Emotion I didn’t expect. But just a deep heaviness that I didn’t want to leave. Then mom reminds me on the phone, “You can call us any time baby if you need us and we can call you.” At a bank busting price, but none the less it brought me comfort. She was right. We could talk if we needed to. I brought two credit cards, and I can talk as much as I want!

But it was You that ended up talking to me through the girl in seat 6B- Rachel. A girl until today I had never met. The last six days have been full of extreme self-doubt. Doubt that had me questioning if the last two years I had even heard You at all. Doubt that found me double-minded, and unstable in all my ways. Doubt that could crush what You are about to do and offer through my own personal journey for others healing.

And as I asked Rachel about her story she began to describe to me the ridiculous and beautiful detail in which You had spoken to her heart and life. Detail that caused her to give her heart to You almost a year ago. Detail that as she shared, reminded me that that was the same detail You have used in my life over the last two and a half years. And I’m not to doubt it now. I’m to continue to trust it. I began to weep as she finished her story. I’m sure she thought I was crazy being so overwhelmed by her story. But it wasn’t as much her story that overwhelmed me as it was the You in her story. The detailed love of my beautiful Father, who has so detailed lovingly loved me.

There are times I myself have thought I was a freak. They way I’ve heard You. Felt You. Listened to You. The way You’ve shown up. But I realized on this little Delta plane headed to JFK, that You desire to talk to us out of that detailed love. And I was allowing You to speak to me this way tonight.

An hour ago I wanted to run out of the airport and go home. Now, I can’t wait to see what You desire to show me in Israel. The details of Your love.

When Rachel finished her story she asked me what I did. “A couple of things.” I said. “I write fiction about crazy southern people and I teach Bible studies.”
Her eyes widened. “I know you. You were that lady that spoke that Sunday with Jamie (my pastor). That was the Sunday that I went up to him and told him that I was ready to figure out my life. The Sunday I came back to church. I even wrote down something that you said. About no longer being the victim. That your past wasn’t the whole of your story, but just a piece of  it.”

That got me too. A year ago, this young woman had no idea that I would need her tonight on a plane headed for Israel. But You did. You knew. You knew I needed her. And You brought her to seat 6B to remind me of the details of Your love. I’m so grateful at your extravagant love. I’m so grateful to hear You in the details of my life. And I’m so grateful for Rachel and her story. She had needed my story a year ago. I needed her story tonight. But more than that I needed You in her story.

I am a sucker for the Biggest Lower. I mean s-u-c-k-e-r! And this season, seriously, I think I have cried every episode. From the first one with Shay, the largest girl they’ve ever had on campus, to the precious lady who lost her entire family, husband and two children in a car accident. I mean I was doing the UGLY cry that night. And the last two weeks there have been messages that have really hit home with me.

Two weeks ago, I was struggling with some self-doubt. Thinking that there was the possibility that I had been living a season of my life more in performance mode, than living out of my heart. That genuine place of loving life, taking it in and experience all that God had in it. That maybe I hadn’t been doing that at all, but had fallen back into a place of performance.

So, I’m laying in bed, catching up with the Biggest Loser gang and they are asked to run a mile. The very same thing they had been asked to do on the first episode, when most of them got winded walking ten feet. But now they were different. They’re bodies had changed, they were stronger, more fit. And one of them said, “Well, the I may not be what I want to be, but I can sure do a lot better with this mile then I could when I got here.”

And when she said that I had my own epiphany. It wasn’t that I had fallen back into old patterns of behavior. It was that I was simply discovering something new about myself that needed to change. And I thought, boy we get trapped in that place so often, where the enemy of our soul has convinced us that we haven’t changed. That all the progress we’ve made has been for nothing, because we’re still as pitiful as we used to be. But what it actually is like, is when we get closer to a magnifying mirror we see more imperfections.

God is the magnifying mirror. And as we draw closer to him we see more of our stuff. It’s not that we’re back into our old stuff. We’re getting closer to Him! And when you get closer to One so indescribably holy, you come to a realization of how unholy you are.

So, not sure what mile you’re being called to run today, but want to encourage you not to let that old defeatist mentality get a hold of you. Because, if I’m was a betting girl, and I do love Vegas, I would be that you are actually doing things much better than you used to. So, buck up. Run that mile. And pretty soon we’ll be running two.

Last Wednesday we put the finishing touches on our fall semester of The Whole Woman Revolution Bible Study. Our series this semester was called The Author. Hebrews 12:2 “Let us fix our eyes on Jesus the Author and Finisher of our faith.” It was one that was nothing but a faith journey.

It started for me personally this summer as God began to refine me farther in

My precious mentor Dr. Albert Lemmons

my faith. I’ve discovered faith is like the “glory to glory” passage in the Bible. God is taking us from faith place to faith place. The process isn’t fun. But the end result is a joy!

Talking with Author of Fireproof- Eric Wilson

And my what a precious time we had together. We had authors, Rebeca Seitz, Tina Keil, River Jordan and Eric Wilson visit with us. It was wonderful having these amazing authors share their books and their faith journeys. And my have they had them.

Two of my mentors, Ann Platz and Dr. Lemmons joined us to talk about faith as well as share their own journey of faith. They stole our ladies hearts just like they have stolen mine.

Our praise and worship led by Tina Keil and my baby brother Damon was so beautiful each, week just taking us into such a sweet place of worship. And the way they along with Kristy Spring and my sister-in-law Sarah served in that capacity just prepared the way for the lesson so beautifully.

Once again I was humbled by how our ladies served, but most of all for how beautifully the Lord showed up. He took us on a journey of faith that I know we will never forget. We watched as women walked in wounded and broken and left looking for those who were wounded and broken. And that is the beauty of this journey. Offering the comfort that we have to spare.

If you are interested in ordering the CD’s series please feel free to email us at revolution@ denisehildreth.com

And if you live in the Nashville area and want to join us for our new study that begins in January here is the information. You can email us at revolution@denisehildreth.com to register. Here’s to a great semester and a very present God.

November has been incredible so far in Nashville. The nights have been cold, but the days have just been beautiful. After a rain soaked October, the sun has been a welcome relief. Last Thursday I was over at friends house working on my final book edits and decided to go sit outside because it was so beautiful. They have rocking chairs on their back porch and that side of the house faces the sun and I just wanted to enjoy the amazing day. I sat down in the rocker, got a pillow situated to my back and in a few minutes, my friend saddled up beside me with this soft cushy rocker from the front porch. It had a padded seat and a padded back and was so much more comfortable than what I was sitting in.

I didn’t ask for another chair. I didn’t ask for a more comfortable place to sit. I was perfectly happy with what I had. Sure, it wasn’t the softest place to land, but my face was in the sun and the day was beautiful and it felt like enough. But it wasn’t enough to my friend. They wanted me to have more. They wanted it to be perfect.

That night I was thinking about the day and about how so much of what happens in our lives are to reveal our Father’s love to us. And I realized that He had revealed His love to me that day through my friend. I realized how often I will settle for so much less than what He really has for me. Sometimes because I don’t ask. Sometimes because I get to a place of contentment. Other times because it feels as if it will be too extreme, to high-maintenance. But I realized He desires for us to have more than just His hem.

Remember the woman in the Bible with the “flow of blood.” For twelve years this woman didn’t stop bleeding and on top of that she used all her money to try to get herself well. And finally Jesus comes to town and she makes the decision, whether because of faith or desperation that He can heal her. And when she reaches out she grabs his hem. And I believe she would have left that day, whole but with just His hem. But He wouldn’t let her. He asked, “Who touched me.” It mattered to Him. And He wanted her to know that He had seen her faith.

So many times we settle for hard rockers, when he has cushioned loungers. We settle for just a piece of Him, when He desires to give us all of Him. And each day, He shows us His love through the actions of others. May we not miss the God moments of any given day. Whether He is lavishing us with His love, or calling out of us what is on the inside of us. I’m not sure if that woman would have ever realized the extent of her own faith had Jesus not stopped her that day. And maybe we don’t realize the extent of ours. But Jesus doesn’t want us missing anything, not Him, nor what is on the inside of us.

May this be a week where we notice how He loves us. And may this be a week where we are able to realize how much we love Him.

Have you ever thought about monkeys escaping cages at the zoo?

-You’ve obviously never met my family…

Have you ever thought about being on a reality tv show?

-Yes, the Amazing Race- but most of you already know that. Sent in a tape about 5 years ago. Obviously didn’t work out too well.

Have you ever thought about cutting all your hair off and being a baldy?

-Actually, yes. One season on the Amazing Race this was one of the “fast forwards”. The girl didn’t do it. I decided then if I went on there I would so do it. Hoping I would end up looking like Demi Moore in G.I. Jane.

Have you ever thought about stuffing your bra (if you are a woman)?

- Excuse me all women who were at once between the ages of 10-13 have done more than “thought” about stuffing their bra.

Have you ever thought about sneaking into the movies?

- I actually did this in Middle School before I knew that it was actually stealing. My mother helped me realize it.

Have you ever thought about eating your kids Halloween candy?

- I don’t have children, but I actually took candy from three different children on Halloween. My word they had a pillowcase full!

Have you ever thought about writing a tell-all book about your family?

- I think Pat Conroy already did.

Have you ever thought about telling someone their breath stinks?

- I’m pretty certain I have- and I have been told anytime my friends have gone with me to the movies and endured my “parmesian and garlic” popcorn salt.

Have you ever thought about writing a letter to one of the Beatles?

- I don’t even know all their names…Donnie Osmond however…

Have you ever thought about owning a gun?

- I own a gun. However, it’s bullets aren’t in it and I haven’t learned how to shoot it yet.

Have you ever thought about changing your clothes in your car?

- I have done more than think about this.

Have you ever thought about buying those magazines in the grocery store checkout line?

- I’m certain you’re talking about Southern Living.

Have you ever thought about opening your kids toys and playing with them on Christmas eve?

- No, but I’ve opened my own and rewrapped them…And yes, my mother knows…now.

Have you ever thought about eating grapes/cherries/bananas in the grocery store before buying them?

- No, but potato chips. Yes.

Have you ever thought about how dog food tastes?

- This is crazy but I thought about it this morning. My dogs have a new food that looks like it has gravy in it that resembles my gravy from my country style steak. But all I did was wonder!

Have you ever thought about how long it would take to watch paint dry?

- I have a life…believe it or not.

Have you ever thought about getting your teeth whitened?

- Of course. I’m a girl.

Have you ever thought about dressing in black on a 100 degree day as a fashion statement?

- I think I did, but it wasn’t because I wanted to make a fashion statement. I was just dumb.

How you ever thought about creating a dumb survey?

- No, I’m just crazy enough to fill them out however.

I went to Atlanta last week with a friend and had a wonderful time. Got to see my precious buddy Lawana and enjoy her and her husband Mitch, eat at one of my favorite restaurants, Buckhead Diner, where they have these fabulous homemade potato chips covered in blue cheese. Well, it was those dang potato chips that caused me to have to exercise.

The couples house we were staying at lived in a development situated on the river. It was beautiful but hilly. So I set out that morning running down their steep hill, forgetting that those things that go down will eventually have to come back up, at least when it comes to getting back to the house you’re staying in.

But the difficult part of that last hill was that I had already been running for almost thirty minutes when I got to it. I have to admit I came to a complete stop at the bottom. Just kind of looked up at it as if I stood there long enough it would miraculously turn into flat plain. No such luck. This mountain was budging. So I did the only thing I knew to do. I lowered my head and set out in a run and refused to look up until I was at the top. About halfway through my thighs and lungs were burning so bad I didn’t think I could do it. But stopping provided nothing more than delayed inevitability. There was no way home but up! So, I hunkered down, and burned my way through it. And do you know what? When I got to the top it felt  exilarating.

Perserverence is that way you know. Frustrating when you’re having to live it out, but oh my, when you get to the top of that hill, to the end of that rope, to the face of that miracle, it will be so worth it. I taught on persaverence last week and the woman with the issue of blood. For twelve years she did everything in her power to be healed. Even spent all her money. And for twelve years she never stopped. And that perseverence led her to the Great Physician.

I’ve had to apply my own amount of perseverence even today. There is a goal I have in mind. A big goal with what I think will be a beautiful beginning to a new story. But it is going to require something of me. Something I don’t necessarily desire to do. And that will require my perseverence. But you know what, perseverence produces character and character produces hope. And do you know how it all gets started? The perseverence and the character and the hope? It all starts with suffering.

And suffering can come in many different forms. It can come through burning pain in your lungs, self-denial, loss, death…all kinds of different ways. But it is through suffering that perseverence is born. And apparantly how character is established. In the words of my former pastor, “How many people get to their destiny moment and their character destroys them when the get there?” So many.

Suffering isn’t fun. Persevering isn’t exactly how I desire to spend an afternoon. But character…I want that. And hope! Well, I can’t even live without that. So, if those have to come through the others than bring on the pain! Bring on the mountain that is the only way to get home. Bring on the burning in the lungs and the battered thighs, (that still haven’t recovered honestly.) And let’s finish this race strong.